Mixture of Feelings

Today i heard a news that shocked me.
I am losing someone to hold on to in the office. Someone who had been the source of my spirit to go to the office everyday.
I realize i shouldn't have made myself to depend on anyone like that, but i just couldn't help it. I still have some best friends, but no one like this one. I am losing the companionship.
I may not lose the friendship, but his presence at work was all that i need. I will miss all the chats, gossips, discussions, laughs, lunches, all the time we had at work. I don't really spend my time outside work with this person, cause that time belongs to my family or my other friends. I do not really like to have him as my other friend cause it means i don't get to see him often. I do not hang out much with my other friends. But soon he will be one of my 'other friends'.
Actually I need him at work so that i can hold on to it emotionally. Yes, he has been the balancer of my professional life in this company for quite some time. I lost my mother at work and i guess i have clinged to him too much. And now i am extremely sad. I got up early in the morning weekend just to remember that he's leaving and it just broke my heart. I wish he could stay as long as i can, but he's not mine. His life isn't mine. I do not have that kind of influence over him. He didn't even let me know about this earlier. I am just his coworker. And he is just my coworker but somehow i feel like he has been much much more than that.
But at one point i need to wake up and stop thinking about my own needs. His presence has been my need at work but it looks that mine isn't his need. He needs something else, something better and that's why he's leaving. I understand him perfectly cause i have thought of doing the same thing myself. But like i said to him, he was one of the strong reasons i couldn't. I have less reasons now and that's good for me. 

I learnt that everyone you meet has its part in your life, well he's definitely has quite a big part in mine and i am so thankful. 

I am sad for his leaving but i am happy for his new opportunity he has found. It looks more promising and i hope he'll be happy there, more successful, and meeting more meaningful people there.
Take care my special friend. Keep your sunshine enlighten the others as you had enlightened me. Thank you for everything and God bless you in every way..

Sensitivity

I am not quite sure what to write but what i can be sure of is i am really eager to write when i am not in such a good mood. Sad, but true! Like a song title..

Again i am not sure why i use title 'sensitivity'.. well after i think about it later, it is sure related to what i am feeling right now. My sensitivity is extremely high today. I was touched by one of sad songs i heard on the radio and i wrote some of the lyrics via path which i couldn't have done in my normal mood.

Another thing is i actually cried over something that completely annoyed me in the office. Should be normal generally but it was not for me. I used to be able to control my feelings in the office. My place to cry is when i'm alone in the car or when i am at home with my small loving family.

Nevertheless, what was annoying me today has actually been annoyed me for several months. I hate to be in this situation and it seems whatever i choose to do is hurting me just the same. I mean, it is not really that painful, but it is something that makes you uncomfortable.

It is of course i think a personal thing. I mean this kind of thing may be not quite uncomfortable for anyone else. But for me it just is.

I do not really like to compete. I am not that kind of ambitious person. I am a supportive kind of person and i definitely like to be supported as well and appreciated.
But still i like to be acknowledged for what i have done, especially my good performance. And when my good performance is stolen, i am hurt because i just do not understand why they can do that to me.
Fairness and justice, sometimes i think i am just obsessed by those. But those things are good right?!

Oh no...now i don't know how to close this posting..usually i am good at that but now i am blank!
Well, i guess just to be continued....?