Feelings

Yes..just like a song title haha..

Actually i am still wondering sometime on where do feelings come from.

Well, this i am referring to feelings toward someone or something

We can feel like, dislike, love, hate toward something based on the appearance, what we can see, touch, hear and smell. Toward animals and other human beings, we can also feel based on our communication. If they treat us badly, we intend to dislike them and hate them. Although we can choose just to ignore and stay good to them on a moral basis. Consequently when they treat us good, we can grow to like them. When we have good communication, mutual understanding, usually we can like each other. 

So normally, when we have interests based on what we see, hear, smell, and touch, plus good communication and understanding, we can even grow to love each other. The formula should be:

Feelings = result of 5 senses + extra senses including communication, understanding, aura, special sense.

Just put a positive or negative sign on each sense, then add them up. Positive means like. Negative means dislike. More than one positive, equals more likes to love. While dislike to hate, on the contrary. 

What about some special cases?

Hate/Love at the first sight, this can mean resulted from one or more of the 5 senses (including sight sense), added with the special sense or aura. 

Usually those drastic feelings will last or change depend on the other extra senses which are communication and understanding. 

However, people can change on their perception. The results of 5 senses depend on the quality of appearance. When the feelings only come from the normal 5 senses, they can change easily and not long lasting. That's why people should work on the communication and understanding to maintain relationships. But like i mentioned there is still a special case that depend on the special sense. This special sense is one thing that makes me wonder, cause it is unexplainable and illogical. And that is when you cannot keep from disliking someone, hating someone or loving someone, even though there is no reason for you to keep feeling that way. 

So, have you ever feel that unexplainable feelings? 

Now or Then, Then for Now

Well just crossed my mind..i feel when i am tired of now, it really helps to get back to the old times by looking at old pictures, watching old videos, reading diary and even reading this blog of mine. It sort of reminding you of who you were, who you really are and what you have accomplished so far. It is a good feeling actually in return. 

Now i know i will get back to writing my blog again..so that the future me can read it to give new spirit to get through the life.

Thank God

Making Documented Memories

Getting older, I just feel more important to make trace of my life. Sometime ago I did not really put attention to that. But recently, I began to feel that it would be nice if we can make our history documented, recorded, so that we can look back to see and enjoy that. Or probably other people will be able to see my life and who I have been when I am not in this world anymore.

Life is too damn short, right haha..well I hope when it's time for me to leave, I have reached the goal, the objective that God has put in me that has become the reason of my existence. 

Living At Home (Really, Literally)

I guess i need to start writing about this worldwide event that have been going on for around 4 months..and we do not know for sure when it is going to last entirely.

When we think that life can be so dull at home, well i definitely do not think so..

Infact i got a chance to know an amazing band much better. I got to feel again the thrill of being a music fan. Awesome!!

Humans are such incredible creatures that have a high specialty in adaptation. Well it has been proven actually to be the only living being that dominate the earth..or so they think 😊

Anyway..being in a quarantine at home seemed very hard at first but then reached the point where human creativity and resistance emerge in order to survive, to keep living, to bring back balance, even new point of balance..the new normal, so they say.

Humans are very special..i can see that..i can feel that..as being one also.

But i believe humans need to keep close to nature..and live in harmony with other living beings.. that's when the world will strive to support each other..to stay in the balance of life truly for the sake of all..not just humans.

So let's not think about ourselves and start to think about our role in keeping the true balance of nature

another note to figuring life purpose

I think human is quite receptive to the environment. Perhaps what trigger them can be different but somehow people behave depend on their environment, what they see, what they catch by their senses, and then formulate feedbacks that can result in what they feel, what they say and what they think or assume.

And why the heck am i writing this? Haha

I just think that i need a base, a background, a reason of what i am feeling right now. 

Well sometimes your reaction to certain event can be surprising even for yourself. And when that happens, i just wonder if we really know ourselves well or if somehow at some points we will do and move according to our Creator. If that's the case then we should get to know Him well. I am sure though that we should move based on our heart cause our Creator speaks to us through the very close and private part of us, our heart. 

Then, don't you think we should listen to our heart? Have we lived according to our heart? Or do we go through our life just by people telling us to do, or whether we are following certain authorities, and some written guidances which may not be suited with our hearts. Or are we actually unaware of our heart existence because we never use it and listen to it? 

I believe that God has planned a unique way for us to live in this life so that we can fulfil our purpose. 

Well i am still figuring out my purpose, other than being a useful member of my family. Perhaps i am destined for something bigger, or even simple thing that is considerable huge to others. I don't know. But at least i know that i need to open my ears and eyes, finding His path and voice through my heart. May God help us all 🙏

Note To Self

Tuhan menciptakan manusia dengan segala kesempurnaannya yang unik. Tidak ada manusia yang identik, bahkan saudara kembar pun.
Mungkinkah Tuhan menginginkan ciptaanNya untuk menjalani jalan hidup yang sama?
Kuyakin tujuan hidupku untuk kembali kepadaNya. Tapi dengan sedemikian banyak perbedaan dan keunikan yang Tuhan berikan kepada tiap ciptaanNya, mungkinkah Dia mau mereka untuk mengikuti jalan yang sama?
Dengan segala kejadian, perasaan, pengalaman tiap manusia yang berbeda yang telah terjadi atas kehendakNya, apakah aku masih sedemikian bodohnya untuk mengingkari perbedaan dan bersikukuh untuk menjalani kesamaan yang semu yang bertentangan dengan keunikan manusia masing-masing? Keunikan dari Yang Maha Agung, Yang Maha Kuasa, Penciptaku.
Mengapa aku tidak mulai bersinkronisasi dengan keunikanku, berusaha memahami Tuhan dari kreasiNya yang terdekat yaitu diriku sendiri. Berusaha mendengarNya lewat kata hatiku yang terdalam.
Semua orang tahu bahwa manusia sudah dibekali oleh akal budi yang menuntun jalannya sesuai dengan kodratnya. Tapi seberapa banyak manusia yang benar-benar menggunakan akal budinya untuk kembali kepadaNya?
Pernahkah aku mempertanyakan suatu hal benar cocok untukku?
Pernahkah aku tidak yakin akan sesuatu karena alasan yang tidak jelas?
Atau malah langsung yakin tanpa mengetahui sesuatu dengan lebih detail?
Bukankah itu sebenarnya adalah akal budiku yang berbicara untuk menyesuaikan diri dengan keunikanku?
Sejatinya jalan hidup memang bukan untuk dipertentangkan karena tiap manusia punya masing-masing. Jika akhirnya tetap dipaksakan untuk sama, bisa jadi malah jadi tersesat dan tidak kunjung sampai ke tujuan mulianya yaitu kembali kepadaNya. Karena kembali kepada Penciptaku maupun mengalami Tuhan dengan nyata seharusnya tidak hanya terjadi setelah kematianku.

Mixture of Feelings

Today i heard a news that shocked me.
I am losing someone to hold on to in the office. Someone who had been the source of my spirit to go to the office everyday.
I realize i shouldn't have made myself to depend on anyone like that, but i just couldn't help it. I still have some best friends, but no one like this one. I am losing the companionship.
I may not lose the friendship, but his presence at work was all that i need. I will miss all the chats, gossips, discussions, laughs, lunches, all the time we had at work. I don't really spend my time outside work with this person, cause that time belongs to my family or my other friends. I do not really like to have him as my other friend cause it means i don't get to see him often. I do not hang out much with my other friends. But soon he will be one of my 'other friends'.
Actually I need him at work so that i can hold on to it emotionally. Yes, he has been the balancer of my professional life in this company for quite some time. I lost my mother at work and i guess i have clinged to him too much. And now i am extremely sad. I got up early in the morning weekend just to remember that he's leaving and it just broke my heart. I wish he could stay as long as i can, but he's not mine. His life isn't mine. I do not have that kind of influence over him. He didn't even let me know about this earlier. I am just his coworker. And he is just my coworker but somehow i feel like he has been much much more than that.
But at one point i need to wake up and stop thinking about my own needs. His presence has been my need at work but it looks that mine isn't his need. He needs something else, something better and that's why he's leaving. I understand him perfectly cause i have thought of doing the same thing myself. But like i said to him, he was one of the strong reasons i couldn't. I have less reasons now and that's good for me. 

I learnt that everyone you meet has its part in your life, well he's definitely has quite a big part in mine and i am so thankful. 

I am sad for his leaving but i am happy for his new opportunity he has found. It looks more promising and i hope he'll be happy there, more successful, and meeting more meaningful people there.
Take care my special friend. Keep your sunshine enlighten the others as you had enlightened me. Thank you for everything and God bless you in every way..

Sensitivity

I am not quite sure what to write but what i can be sure of is i am really eager to write when i am not in such a good mood. Sad, but true! Like a song title..

Again i am not sure why i use title 'sensitivity'.. well after i think about it later, it is sure related to what i am feeling right now. My sensitivity is extremely high today. I was touched by one of sad songs i heard on the radio and i wrote some of the lyrics via path which i couldn't have done in my normal mood.

Another thing is i actually cried over something that completely annoyed me in the office. Should be normal generally but it was not for me. I used to be able to control my feelings in the office. My place to cry is when i'm alone in the car or when i am at home with my small loving family.

Nevertheless, what was annoying me today has actually been annoyed me for several months. I hate to be in this situation and it seems whatever i choose to do is hurting me just the same. I mean, it is not really that painful, but it is something that makes you uncomfortable.

It is of course i think a personal thing. I mean this kind of thing may be not quite uncomfortable for anyone else. But for me it just is.

I do not really like to compete. I am not that kind of ambitious person. I am a supportive kind of person and i definitely like to be supported as well and appreciated.
But still i like to be acknowledged for what i have done, especially my good performance. And when my good performance is stolen, i am hurt because i just do not understand why they can do that to me.
Fairness and justice, sometimes i think i am just obsessed by those. But those things are good right?!

Oh no...now i don't know how to close this posting..usually i am good at that but now i am blank!
Well, i guess just to be continued....?

Going to Theater After So Long!

I couldn't believe it that finally I could go watching a movie again in a theater.
Do you know that the last time I went to a theater was when I was still pregnant? That means it had been around 4 years!
It was great though. The best part was that I brought my son for the very first time.
He was sweet though. He did not ask to get out. He did not cry. He just sit quietly watching the movie. But I guess he was a bit sleepy. And on the half part of the movie, he was finally asleep :)
The movie was not really a kid movie. It was sort of an epic movie. Clash of The Titans :)  Have you watched it?
It was quite entertaining. Suitable for watching in a theater with large screen and good sound systems.
I heard that it was a remake of the 1981 movie with the same title. But I never knew the story before.
On the movie, Hades was the brother of Zeus. While what I learnt from the tv series Hercules, Hades was one of Zeus' sons. So I don't know which is the correct one.
Also, I never heard of the character Perseus before. It was played by Sam Worthington. He was pretty busy lately :) I have seen him in the latest movie of Terminator, and then Avatar and finally this movie.
The funny thing is in Clash of The Titans, he sounds exactly like Russell Crowe! His voice and accent definitely copy Russell's. If you close your eyes while hearing his speaking in the movie, you can pretend that he was Russell Crowe! He even had the similar haircut with Russell Crowe in the Gladiator. So I don't know if it is the originality of him or just simply copycat..but of course no harm in watching him though..just enjoy the entertainment.. :D

touched by an angel

yes...today i met an angel..

an angel that had lightened up my eyes, my soul, my life..

she reminded me of Him, that He's The One and All..and that we are in Him..

there's no I...no me..lost in the ocean, become one awareness..

just think it, feel it, then you have it..

so don't think of sadness, don't feel negative, cause those are what you are pulling to yourself

think of happiness, feel positive, let all happen the way He arranges

then we will all be happy for eternity..

amien..

PEMILU 2009--different feeling than last time

today, we just had PEMILU..national election for legislative members.

somehow i did not have the same feeling as the last election on 5 years ago.

in the previous election, i think i really knew which party that i would choose. but compared to this year election, wow, i was really lost..i did not know what to choose..i had chosen though of course..in spite of all..but..i was not completely sure of the one i had chosen.

and i heard on the quick count that the status quo is still ahead of the others, well, it's normal i guess.. not many people like changes..many are afraid of more chalenges..many are worried that the change may bring worse condition..so, instead of trying to have something new, they prefer to use the old one..

i'm completely understand and not against them..

however, we don't really know for sure until we have tried..and the result of having a new government is still a mystery..could be good, could be bad..

one thing needs to be kept in mind is that after we have chosen or made up our mind about something and then actually done that, we had to be sure that it will lead to a better thing..and never regret it afterwards.. so in the end it will definitely become a much greater thing for us.

Listen to your heart..since He leads you through it..

Christmas Holiday in Sidoarjo

It had been almost 2 years since our last visit to the city.
Last time we had a family picture taking, and we should wear traditional costumes. It was quite special of course, since it was a rare occasion.

And on the recent visit, twice visit of my son, voshan, it had been quite special all the same.
Why is that? Because voshan was baptised on one week before christmas. Here are some pictures taken of the occasion.

Obviously my son is quite hard to handle. Very difficult for us to keep him sit or stand still. But we had no other choice, hadn't we? :p
Well, it passed anyway, and he was baptised finally..:)


The christmas celebration was special also, since my husband's families were all gathered and so quite something else than usual. I mean, if we celebrate it home in Jakarta, probably only among our small family. But in Sidoarjo, we can meet many relatives and have a different kind of way in celebrating the holy day.

One thing that I liked in the trip was when I got a chance to try the most delicious rawon I have ever tasted..hmmm...yummy... The rawon had a very tasty curry and very soft meats..very very recommended if you have a chance to visit Surabaya area some day..

We also tried to take a look at the Sidoarjo muds, but could not get very near. But we could see the emergency house for the refugees..and it was quite devastating. Well, hope it will not get any worse and nobody will get hurt anymore because of it.

Positive wishes

today I have heard the information that made me so disappointed.
many people in the organization behaved inappropriate.

lack of professionalism
leaders lack of leadership
lack of sense of responsibilities
lack of decision making
lack of team player
selfish and self-oriented
no bravery and wisdom
no sense of belonging

absolute disappointing

for that matter, what can i do?

suddenly i realize, all i can ever do is praying, wishing and hoping for the goodness and kindness to come to and touch those people.

i wish for the love, kindness, truly happiness, goodness, wisdom and everything good to come among us all.

whenever we think of positive things, there will be no room for the opposite.

let's share the goodness
share the kindness
share the wisdom
share the professionalism
share the love

then we will all be able to live with the true happiness

in God's blessings

amien

Voshan enters a playgroup

It has been twice visit of my Voshan to join his class of playgroup. Actually he had been into the same class three times, but the first time was a free trial.

I was not surprised though that he still could not really stand still when we were supposed to gather around. Voshan is still enjoying himself and likes to do things on his own. It's not that he can't share at all. It's just he is not ready or not comfortable yet among a lot of people or even small groups of strangers.

And when you want him to attend or watch anything new, do not expect it to last more than a minute. But when he gets familiar and used to and even grow to like it, then you can be sure that he can stand all night watching the show. Well, at this moment, to draw his attention, we can get him to watch Diego, Dora, Teletubbies or Baby TV shows.

Even I enrolled him to a playgroup, I don't expect too much, I just want him to be able to play and meet other kids in his similar ages..and certainly so that he can have a great times of his early life.

Better Lifetimes - my new blog

Hello...
just to let you know that I recently published my new blog called Better Lifetimes.
please check it out here http://betterlifetimes.blogspot.com
and don't forget to post your comment or simply leave me a message on the chatbox.

Happy blogging!

Voshan's 2nd Birthday

Wow...almost hard to believe that my son has reached his second year of age..
Yes, on last August 30th, 2008, he celebrated his 2nd birthday..well, actually he still did not understand completely about the day...then who actually celebrated the day are me and his father, and also his grandparents, cousin, aunts and uncles..:p

Oh yes, quite extraordinary it was, that on the day, it rained almost all day..from mid day to the night...hmm...i wonder what that meant, let's just hope that it was the sign of happiness and prosperity...amien..:D

Voshan's New Haircut

This one I promise it's going to be short..:)Actually, I have written this post for a while, but I did not get any chance to publish it.
Now here it goes...:)

I'd like to show you the new haircut of my son, Voshan.

On that Saturday, I took him to Snippets to have his hair cut. And now you can see his new look. Somehow I think he's become more adorable but look naughty as well.

Well, what do you think??

Speaking about naughty, Voshan was being very naughty on the Monday after and that he was succeeded in making me skip work that day.

Since waking up in the morning, he just could not let me go, and he did not want to be with anyone but me. How naughty he was! Do you think it's because his new haircut?? Well, we just can't tell precisely..is it related anyway?? you tell me..hahaha..:D

Thankful to the Existence

today i checked the blog of my good friend, http://mybabyaurel.blogspot.com/, and saw how cute the mommy n the baby having fun on the swimming pool..just reminded me how fun it was to swim with my voshan..

and then i checked my own blog, and found that it had been a month since my last posting. how could that be? was i really that busy? or just lazy to write anything? :)

so here i am beginning to write again a new post.

I remember that July is almost over. Well it's a very special month for me, since it is the month where I had been born.
Actually it's my first birthday that i didn't celebrate with my parents.
It's the first one i celebrate at my home.
It's my first birthday that i didn't buy any birthday cake.
It's not that i don't afford to buy one..just thought that next month i'll be celebrating my son's birthday, so i think i will buy a big cake for both of us on voshan's birthday.
however, speaking of cakes, it reminds me of the blueberry cheese cake that we bought for our boss birthday, yummy...i think i will buy a cake today...(hmm, so impulsive..).

whatever..:)

actually i remember that i was pretty sad and mad that saturday, on my 31st birthday.
yes, on that day, my husband left me for his project.
and he did not come back until late afternoon.
and we did not buy any cake.
and we did not go out for birthday lunch.
and my parents did not come over.
and i did not get any birthday present.
and i just get through my ordinary saturday, i bought the vegetables from the seller who passed by, i cooked, i looked after my son, played the computer games,
and so on, and so on, pretty usual stuffs.
i felt 'wow, it's a pretty lame birthday'..

and then that night, finally we went out (didn't remember where), somewhere close by i guess..
my husband left me with my son in the car, and i received an sms from one of my best college friend,.."hi, have you had a great time on this birthday of yours?"
at that moment, i still felt not very good..but of course, i cannot tell that to her..not that way..
and then i took a deep breath and began to reply the sms,
"i'm just thankful that God still let me to have this beautiful life".....
wow, i who felt quite sad and mad, could actually type that sms??
and then all of a sudden, i can really feel thankful and very happy and gracious
and i can feel again how beautiful my life is now, and has been, and will be..

i am healthy, itchy sometimes, but i still can live..
i can live in my own home with my family
i have a family of my own
i have a great husband
i have the most beautiful child
all my close family are healthy, my hubby n son, my parents, my niece, my sis, my inlaws
i have a good job, sucks sometimes, but it's still ok
i have started my own business
my husband business going well
i have many good friends
i have a good boss
i have a maid
i have a car
my stomache is full
i can sleep well
i can laugh with all my heart

i am just so very happy for this beautiful life
and i am so very thankful and gratefull to God, the Existence, who still let me have this all :) :D

Thank God
Praise the Lord
Puji Tuhan

with the most humble and happiest heart and soul..

wikan sarwawidyasari
31 years old on july 19, 2008

Shocking News for me

I read an email from one of the mailing list, and I just shocked to hear the news. It said that there had been an 18 month-old baby killed by a Rottweiler dog. I am sure it was really devastating to the parents.

It was quite an old dog, 7 years old. How could that be??

Being a dog lover, I tried to analyse the case..:p and I came up with some reasons why the dog could harm and kill the baby.

1. The dog was starving

2. The dog had missed his regular vaccination

3. The dog somehow felt threatened by the baby

Actually I am not really know about Rottweiler dogs. I have never had one. So I do not know if it is one of the dogs that can be played with children, since I know some are clicked with children but some other cannot stand near children. Some dogs are like children and very childish. Therefore they do not like when there are other children who are close to their master. They felt jealous and threatened that his place will be taken place by the children.

In spite of my adoration for dogs, please be careful with your baby or children when you have dogs at home, especially if you do not know for sure how your dog is. Don't ever let your dogs starved. Don't miss their regular vaccination. Love them both by keeping your children save from your dog.

Speech Delay in Children

This topic was very much talked about in one of the mailist I join. Well, I guess somehow the fact has been tickling me, since my son which now is in his almost second year of age, has not been able to speak clearly. And I am not sure how many words he has learnt to speak.

One of the article I found from http://www.helium.com/ just now could be used as one of the guidances to recognise any speech delay in children. You can read the article via this link http://www.helium.com/items/1021528-recognizing-the-signs-of-speech-delay-in-children
Hopefully it can be useful to anyone who reads this blog.